Would you choose relationships over religion, or your conscience over creeds? Most of us would say yes, but our conversations with believers either break down or reinforce stereotypes about life outside their religious bubble, depending on which approach we take. Remembering this may help avoid what I refer to as “evangelical atheism”. Pushing a de-conversion agenda is no different than the methods we oppose, but by building bridges of commonality we gently introduce believers to the concept that they’re part of a much larger bubble, which begins to expand their understanding and interpretation of the world.

Their religious bubble defines them, meaning insulting their identity head-on is the most threatening and least productive. It reinforces stereotypes and helps them “dig in” even deeper. Instead, disarm their default defense mechanisms to get them “off script”, and engage the logic and reason they do have. Explore your shared values for family, kindness, and community. Introduce other bubbles (worldviews) that share these values as well. Yes, it’s tempting to counter their claims point-for-point, arguing the nuance of translation or intention of scripture, or the motives of everyone involved. Instead, listen to the emotion behind their statements, the “why” behind the “what”,.

Most people don’t reason their way into faith, and they won’t reason their way out. Think of these conversations as opportunities to build a bridge instead of demolishing a foundation. Why they still believe can be used to encourage their pursuit of logic and reason beyond their bubble, and if nothing else they’ve gained perspective that may temper the vitriol they hear about us in church. They’re expecting a head-on collision, not a respectful discussion that treats them with kindness and patience. Locking horns is not inevitable or productive, so use the relationship and compassion you value to help them to take baby steps into this bigger bubble we all share. —Sarah Morehead